This is probably going to end up being a big wall of who-gives-a-fuck, but I REALLY need to get a few things off my chest and then I'll get back to work, I swear. This will probably be very disorganized and contain mean and inciteful shit, so read it or don't. I don't care.
There are things that I like about interacting with others and also a great deal of things that I absolutely hate - like having to bite my tongue for the sake of being polite. If I can't tell someone that they're doing something that's fucking pissing me off without some weird disproportionate reaction, I can at least let it out here so that it doesn't fester into a mental illness. I meditate, yeah, but it takes years of training to be able to do the Vulcan thing and express my emotions internally. That, and THAT'S FUCKING UNNATURAL. So here we go, if you're okay with possibly having your day ruined, go ahead and read on, but don't say I didn't warn you. I rarely, if ever, have patience for whiny dumb ass motherfuckers who wantingly dive into a shit fest and end up crying like fucking babies when some of it gets in their eyes.
I smoke and I drink - I know you're just trying to elevate yourself when you walk up to me and tell me that I'm killing myself. FUCK YOU. We are all dying every day. Talking shit can get you killed a lot faster than substance abuse in most cases.
Looking at dirty pictures is fun for me. Photos, artwork, the whole mess. I enjoy pornography because it gets me off. I like looking at crime scene photos and videos taken by amateurs during and after major disasters. I like reading about war. I like watching documentaries about war and death and disfigurement and all the other horrible things that people do to each other. It helps me to better appreciate life and learn from other people's mistakes. That being said, I get why other people would not want to enjoy these things the same way that I do. It's the whole self-important morality police bullshit that I fucking hate. I understand if someone gets no enjoyment - or gets sick from looking at, or even hearing about the fucked up shit that I'm into. That's cool, I can just hang out here in the corner and keep to myself like I have been for the past 20+ years. Just don't get in my face about how much better your outlook is because you fucking found God or some other shit that I don't care about. Don't lie to me about how great it is to have a shit ton of 'friends' that you barely know and communicate with poorly on facebook or whatever the fuck everybody's on these days. I don't care. And I know that you don't really care about me.
Fuck your personal slice of the internet. Your parents bought you a computer and you barely know how to type, let alone html, so you grabbed a few pictures and shit from other people's sites and slapped them on your own so that you can stroke your own ego and prance around anonymous communities of other worthless amphibian shits like you're actually worth the skin that you're made out of. Fuck your opinions. I don't care if you're x-gender or y-religion or z-political stance or whatever the fuck bullshit you're using to try and separate yourself from the rest of us. Fuck your undergraduate degree that you got from that joke of a community college you went to. You might think that having good grammar can save you, but you're still a self-absorbed prick and I don't care what you fucking think about that esoteric bland hollywood backwash that you like to watch on netflix. Fuck you and fuck everything you're about, anonymous douche bag. Fuck your asphergers syndrome and fuck your bipolar schitzoid personality and your incipid, poorly drawn furry fan-porn that you for some odd reason feel the need to share with everyone. Fuck your weird ass fetishes. Fuck your social anxieties. Fuck your wasted ideas about 'social justice'. Fuck your childhood. Fuck your parental abuse. You have access to food and internet you whiny bitch. Get a job and move out. YES you can JUST GET OVER IT. Fuck you, I'm not your mom. Try living in a literal shit hole like Liberia and see how well you fair you fat tub of shit. You'll be robbed, beaten, raped and probably cannibalized if you're lucky.
I started a new Tumblr and it's angrier and messier than ever! --> [link]
ahead and judge me, I dare you.
Meanwhile, I like playing Team Fortress 2 - like to the point where I'm now using it as an escape from reality. I have fantasized about the characters and I have tried to keep those fantasies relegated to isolated corners and label them appropriately so that only myself and other weirdos like me can appreciate them and not be grossed the fuck out by burly men either brutally fighting and murdering each other or having passionate gay sex. It's getting harder and harder to gauge whether my interests are acceptable for this place or that, and that in itself causes more and more frustration. I have found like-minded individuals that I enjoy the company thereof, and unfortunately, I have also met those who are just 'off' enough to kill my enjoyment of the whole thing -
To the nine-year old prick who keeps screetching into their mic - Fuck you I will play heavy every single round and I will feed sandviches to everyone except you because scouts are fucking useless and disposable in your hands anyway.
To all the kids who play pyro but haven't quite figured out the controls yet - THERE'S an OFFLINE TRAINING MODE FOR A REASON. Stop setting me on fire!
To all the snipers who get mad when stealth heavy punches them to death while they were obliviously standing at a window with their backs turned - Shut the fuck up, you know that shit was funny. choose a better nest next time.
To the asshole who feels the need to whine about his team sucking so hard - unless you actually do have some mad skills and you could win any game on your own as any class, you need to shut the fuck up because your fucking stupid ass keeps taking the same path expecting no one to try and kill you because apparently you're the king of the fucking gamers and no one was told that they should just let you win. Faggot.
To the bitch that got all mad and tried to say I was cheating because I killed you six times - it's not my fault that you have no ability to duck behind something when my fat ass comes lumbering along with a loud mother fucking minigun. Of course I was targeting you - you are on the opposing team and it's kind of the point of the game to kill you so that you can't kill me or anyone else on my team so that we can WIN.
TF2chan is one of those places that will allow me to post uncensored pornography and violence relating to Team Fortress 2, and yet no one fucking goes there anymore because either they were banned for some bullshit reason, or they got tired of looking at the really shitty artwork and fiction that's still there after the three or four times that the site crashed. Yeah if there was better stuff there people might come back, but really I think if it was managed better it wouldn't be as stagnant as it is now - whoever started this whole 'it's okay to not like things, but don't be a dick about it or we'll ban you' shit needs to be beaten with a hose. I want to keep posting there and interacting with people who like the same things that I do, but I also want to be able to tell people straight up when I don't like something, so here goes -
To everyone that's posting in a/fanart NO EXCEPTIONS - your 'work' (if it can even be called that) kills my arousal every single time. You have a grade schooler's knowledge of anatomy and you have absolutely no sense of depth or proportion. I get that someone has to be pretty passionate about this kind of work to keep doing it - especially since you don't get a paycheck from it, but really? Do I really have to keep putting up with this shit? FUCK YOU. When someone tells you that something is hurting their eyes, or you need to 'improve' this or that, it's nothing personal. I just can't get off on guys with eyes that are too big and always have disjointed doofy looking expressions. Fuck tenta-spy. Fuck your incest fetish. Fuck scarves. Fuck grown western men acting like young asian lady boys. Fuck your lame head cannons. Fuck your refusal to learn how to draw properly. And most of all, fuck your ego. THAT's me being a dick. Take it or leave it.
Okay I feel better now. Back to work.LIKE THE SHIT YOU SEE IN MY GALLERY?
my STEAM ID is KGBigelow. Prepare to be entertained by my supreme lack of skill!