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hunger or fear

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since I was very young I have had a very violent, self-destructive temper, and an intense distaste for others. I'm not sure if it's because I genuinely despise those who would get in my way, or if I am fearful of being consumed by the overwhelming majority that is the other.
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1500x1877px 1.25 MB
Make
HP
Model
HP psc2200
© 2006 - 2024 KGBigelow
Comments8
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LadyRhianwriter's avatar
You sound a lot like me, when I was younger. I got into a lot of fights in high school, because I was being mentally, emotionally and (occasionally) physically abused by my classmates. By the time I got to High School and was really into my growth spurt, I started fighting back, and they would start something- and I would finish it. Once, I had my glasses (that I really need to see, I am practically blind without them) ripped off my face and broken in half in front of me. I literally saw red, and I don't really remember what happened next. When my personality/self resurfaced, I was banging the head of the girl who had done it to me into the concrete floor, saying, "You won't do that again, will you?"

That was 10th grade. By the time I was in my last year of High School, I'd flipped my shit so many times that it had actually gotten somewhat easier to control, In my last year, I was excused from Gym Class when another girl flipped on me and tried to scratch my face off. I was larger and taller, and I grabbed a handful of her sweater and pinned her to the wall to protect my face. She scratched the heck out of my arm, and somehow, I got blamed for the entire thing. Probably because I was larger and taller. And that sucked and still does. I still blow up sometimes, even though High School was almost 20 years ago for me. I just wish I had some advice for you. In the end, I can only give my empathy, for what it's worth.